Lord of the Ring Pops
by The Slinky Master
Summary: The long beloved tale of Lord of the Rings, or not... this time a round things are...more interesting. A couple twists here and there and BOOM! A comedy designed for your entertainment. ENJOY! :
1. Part 1

Lord of the Ring Pops

The TRUE Story

(following the movie not the book)

Part 1

It was a sunny day in Middle Earth when Frodo was skipping along the old path. He was singing merrily when suddenly, BAM! Gandalf ran over him with his horse drawn carriage. "Owww…" Frodo whined in pain as Gandalf stopped the carriage. "Oh Frodo, sorry lad, didn't see you there cause your short and all." Gandalf said as he got out of the carriage. Frodo got up and brushed the dust off of his coat when Gandalf exclaimed, " Frodo, I heard Bilbo's party is coming up soon eh?" Frodo replied "Sure is, I'm in charge of the guest list,"

"I knew Bilbo wouldn't trust you with food duty after the cake incident last year, all those poor little hobbit children…"

"It was an _accident_ Gandalf!"

Gandalf started to smirk "_Suuuure it was,"_

Frodo began to smirk back and then the two cracked up laughing. Frodo got in the carriage and the two rode off. Riding off the found that annoying little hobbit brats started to crowd around as they rode. Gandalf smiled as he sent fireworks off. One hit a chubby kid but he wasn't hurt too bad. They rode on forward to where pavilions were being set up. A big banner that read "Harry Birthday Bilbo" was being strung up and two hobbits were arguing over the spelling of 'happy' just below it. Frodo and Gandalf rode on still continuing their conversation.

"I don't know what you did to get Bilbo to try Pepsi, but ever since his little caffeine episode you've been officially labeled as a disturber of the peace." said Frodo.

"All I did was _dare _him, I had no part in him going _that _far." said Gandalf smirking.

Then they came to Frodo's stop as he emptied from the carriage Gandalf waved, and signaled the horse to go on. MEOW, a cat sounded off as it's tail was run over. Gandalf rode on passing trees, shorties (hobbits) and shrubs. He at last came to Bilbo's house. He passed a gate that was hung with a sign reading "No entrance, beware of Chihuahua". He walked up the stepping stones to the door. Knocking politely as he hummed Viva la Vida.

"GO AWAY! I don't want to buy any flippin' cookies!" shouted Bilbo from inside. "Well, that is _NO _way to treat someone as old as I am." said Gandalf laughing.

"Gandalf! Oh sorry, I thought you were one of those darn girl scouts." said Bilbo opening the door, "Come in, come in."

Soon the two were inside as Bilbo kept offering tea and cheese. Gandalf went to turn his head when - ZAP! Gandalf shook wildly being electrocuted then fell to the floor. " Oh yes, and do be careful of the bug zapper there, kills the bugs as well as brain cells." said Bilbo from the kitchen. "Thanks for the tip," said Gandalf sarcastically rubbing his temples as he stood up again.

The day continued on as normally, though most folks were excited for the next day's events. And well enough the morning rolled around and preparations for the party were well on there way and set up. Folks began to arrive as soon as food rolled out, and Frodo set up his pathetic lemonade stand just out side of Bilbo's VIP pavilion.

"Lemonade miss?" Frodo asked.

"Yeaaaah- no thanks kid." said a hobbit woman.

So the day rolled on as night became to surround and Gandalf could finally start his fire works. Everyone was amazed as bright blues and greens filled the sky and disappeared leaving only colorful smoke that had guests choking as the smoke became to overwhelming. Then Merry and Pippin ( two strange hobbits ) had an idea, a well devised plan that they had been dying to try out. The two snuck out to Gandalf's cart and stole a cool looking fire work, the two soon enough snuck off to a little tent in which they stood it up and asked around for a match, and sure enough some guy selling used watches had offered them one. So the two went to light it just after they lit it they realized… they were in a tent! The both of them ran off but not soon enough, the fire work blasted off and threw the tent up in the air with it. Singed and coated in soot both lied there. The firework blasted off into the sky becoming a little too fast, it didn't stop going up! Up, and up it went. Then the moon shook as the tent was out of sight. … silence. Then the moon exploded, on the ground Merry stated nervously "Pippin… where is the moon?" Pippin got up and ran "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" "Hmm?" Merry answered, then a strong grip grabbed at his shoulder. "What are you doing with my fireworks Meriadoc Brandybuck?!" shouted Gandalf. "Uh, um… it was Pippin's idea!" Merry replied. "Likely story," Gandalf answered, as he walked Merry by the ear past Frodo's lemonade stand. He was sitting there sighing that he didn't have a nickel from his little stand. Gandalf was confused as he asked "Frodo, I thought you were managing the guests?"

"I did too, until Bilbo said that I ' wasn't qualified to match faces to names. ' as he put it." said Frodo disappointed. "Oh, well I can see where he's coming from." said Gandalf. "What!?" answered Frodo. "Uh, hehe. Maybe I should … go. BYE." Gandalf said rushing off. Soon Frodo noticed Bilbo was ready to give his speech, he knew because just behind the pavilion Bilbo was doing that weird high school musical warm up thing. Bilbo fluttered his hands in front of his face and made noises like he was cold. Frodo got excited, he could finally go in as he followed Bilbo into the pavilion. "Hey hey hey, no one gets in without a VIP pass bub." said a security guard. "Oh no I'm with Bilbo, I'm his heir." said Frodo.

"Yeah, and I'm an elf. Nice try kid, get out of the way for the other guests that want to see the speech."

"No, really! I'm REALLY related!"

"So is almost every guest here, have you noticed?"

"C'mon! You gotta let me in!"

"No way punk."

"BILBO! OVER HERE, BILBO!" screamed Frodo waving his arms franticly trying to push by the guard.

Yet alas, he walked away with a black eye, but he didn't stop there. Frodo snuck to the back of the pavilion's fencing and hid behind a bush to listen in. Then he heard Bilbo stepping up as he peered above the bush enough to see Bilbo's back.

"Friends and family, welcome, I do hope your enjoying everything." Bilbo stated standing on a stool.

The crowd answered back a variety of answers so it just sounded like a blur of voices.

"Well, that's good. So ANYWAY. Umm…" Then he took out an index card. "Welcom-er … uh…" he flipped through some cards and continued to blurt out random sayings. He eventually got so nervous he was sweating! No one knew but he was thinking "It's time to get outa this joint!" Soon he was just gone! The VIP crowd and Frodo were amazed that he has just disappeared but it was so. Gandalf tracked the foot prints to his little home to find the old coot sitting down in a chair.

"That was some trick right there," said Gandalf.

"It was wasn't it?" said Bilbo proudly.

"A little to amazing for a hobbit to pull off hmm?"

"I, I, don't know what it is your talking about."

"Spit it out short stuff! I have an appointment at 9 o'clock that **cannot **wait!"

"Ok, ok! Shhh though, I have.." he paused fiddling with something in his pocket.

"Go on! Out with it!" Gandalf hurried him along.

"Ok, but it's a secret. I have… a magic ring pop."

"Ah, may I have a look at it?"

"NO! It's my candy… yes, mine… my own… my preciousssss…" he hissed quietly.

"I think you've had that sugar far too long, Bilbo!"

"NO! It's mine! What do you care of what I do with my things?! YOU JUST WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!"

"Bilbo son of Sheldon!!! I'M NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU…" there was a pause as Gandalf continued. "I'm gonna be your bestest buddy eva."

Bilbo ran over and hugged him "_Alright girlfriend,_ " he said gay-ish.

With that Bilbo said "OH! I forgot, I must be getting on the road. My reservation in Las Vegas says I have to be there by 12pm tomorrow." with that Bilbo gathered his things and opened the door. However just before leaving Gandalf stopped him "Bilbo… the ring, … it's still in your pocket." Bilbo hesitated his reply,

"Oh, why… yes. It is," he got it out and held it suspended in front of him.

A long moment went by….

"Just do it already! I'm late as it is!" shouted Gandalf.

Then the ring pop dropped to the floor. Then Bilbo walked to the path way out the door, sighing he said, "Oh! And I thought of an ending for my blog… and he lived happily ever after, 'til the end of his days." Bilbo stepped to the ending and started whistling 'We are the Champions'. Gandalf sat down and sighed "Crap, … I missed my dental appointment." Just then Frodo walked in. "Heeeey, Gandalf! Good to see ya pal, hey did you see where- Ewwwwww. I stepped on some old ring pop. Ick! It's stuck to my shoe." he said skidding his shoe on the ground. "Don't do that!" shouted Gandalf plucking it off Frodo's shoe and putting it in Frodo's hand. " Keep it safe… keep it safe... wait, I said that. … Never mind, but just don't tell anyone!" Gandalf said. " I must hurry along now, many questions to answer. Adios."

Frodo asked " Wait! Where are you going?!"

"To answer many questions, … wait. I said that already too… never mind!"

And with that… he was off. Frodo stared at the ring. He was alone, Bilbo and Gandalf had left, and the party had ended. Little did he know his adventure was just to begin.


	2. Part 2

Part 2

The next day Frodo got up and yawned. He scratched his head. "AH! It's stuck in my hair! IT'S STUCK IN MY HAIR!" he cried grabbing at the ring pop. He ripped it out…

"Ewwww." he sighed going off the dunk his head in the creek. Then soon as he stepped out onto his path, he ran to the creek. By the time it was late afternoon, Frodo had gone about his day normally, and night was falling. He stepped up the old path to his hole calmly when- DUSH! A horse coming full speed trampled him, causing him to land flat on his face. Gandalf stepped off the horse, and exclaimed " Oh, Frodo. Hmmm. You seem to get run over often, oh well. Good news!"

"What is it, Gandalf?" said Frodo getting up.

"I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know!" he chanted.

"Go on, tell me! Pleeeease?"

"Fine, fine… but inside first!" he said rushing Frodo in. He ran to the shutters and closed them, and then locked the door. Running back he halted. "Ok, ok. Do you still have that ring?"

"Uh… yeah, I do…"

"Good. Let me see it."

Frodo handed it to Gandalf whom now was examining it. Then he flicked it into the fire. "AH! NO! What are you doing!? IT WAS STRAWBERRY!" shouted Frodo!

"No, wait…" said Gandalf, glaring into the fire. He then picked it out and handed it to Frodo. "Quick, lad, what do you see in it?"

"My reflection…"

"No! No! On the plastic of it."

"Oh… nothing."

"Hmm…I do suppose-"

"WAIT! I see markings. They are a type of German. I can't read it"

"Yes, there are few who can," he paused, "they read 'One ring to rock them all, One ring to find them. One ring to bring them all, and in darkness blind them. Err, BIND them, sorry. I'm getting old as is my sight." he continued, "It is the ring of the dark lord Sauron. This is the one ring. It must be destroyed!"

"But…but, …" Frodo spoke up, "it's strawberry."

"No time for complaints. We must go! The enemy knows of it's location!"

"WHAT! How?!"

"Well…" *wavy flash back portion*

Shows Gollum being tied up to a plank of wood.

Gandalf's narration : " Though you, Bilbo and I knew of the ring, there was one more whom knew… Gollum he is called… and he was then found and was tortured by the enemy…"

Shows Gollum be tickled with a feather by an orc.

Orc : MWUAHAHAHA!

Gollum : AHH! Hahahaha! STOP! Haha, haha Bagains… SHIRE!

Gandalf : " Yes, so now the enemy knows… now, we must take our leave! "

*Wavy flashback ends.*

Frodo asked " But what of my family and friends!?"

Gandalf replied simply, "You may have family but friends is stretching it, would you say?" Frodo was silent. Then he picked up again, "Well… what of my home!?"

"WAIT… do you hear that?" said Gandalf creeping to an open window.

"WA-CHA." shouted Gandalf as he swung his giant stick into the ground outside the window.

"AH! OW!" said a voice from a bush.

Then it was no other than Sam Gamgee, listening in.

Gandalf chucked him inside and shouted "What have you heard!?"

Sam replied, " Nothing much… something about candy though! And Gandalf you know how I love food!"

"Uh! FINE. If you must know… we have candy." Gandalf suddenly sprang up in epiphany, "I know what to do with you!"

Soon the group was on their way packed and ready to go.

"Where are we goin' ?" asked Sam.

"To Riven-burg." Gandalf answered.

"Oh" smirked Sam. "WE'RE GONNA SEE ELVES!"

Gandalf answered, "Yes, yes, but this is no time for tourism! We must be hasty and-"

"Do you think we'll see _**Santa**_?!" interrupted Frodo.

Hours and miles later they were still in the woods.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? " whined Frodo and Sam. "NO! NOW STOP ASKING BEFORE I DECAPITATE YOU!" screamed Gandalf. "Well it looks that SOMEONE skipped breakfast." said Sam.

As the three of them continued walking Gandalf halted, " I gotta ditch these dorks soon… I can't take this much more!" he whispered to himself. He turned to face Sam and Frodo. "Heeeeey, Frodo, Sam. I gotta go_, there_. Without you… cause' uh… I am needed. Over _there. _Meet me at…" he looked around. Staring at a wild pony going by, he quickly answered "The Prancing Pony Inn! Yes, yes. Let us reunite at the Prancing Pony Inn." he said. "Ok." answered Frodo. And with that Gandalf raced off at full speed northwards, he laughed "Those gullible losers," and disappeared over the horizon.

"Well… my map says we're…" then Sam picked up his map, "exactly two miles west of the Prancing Pony Inn…" " Oh we can do it!" shouted Frodo, and with that ran off to a field screaming "D-d-d-d-d DORA! D-d-d-d-d-d Dora, Doraaa the Exploraaaa, Dora!" An hour later their cheer had left and they were wandering aimlessly through the corn. "Frooooooodo. Froooooodo! FRODO!" shouted Sam. "What now Sam?!" answered Frodo.

"I have to _**go**_!"

"Where?"

"NO! I mean _**GO**__." _

" Oh… **NOW**? Why?"

"Well FIRST of all I -"

THUMP! Just them Pippin' and Merry ran into them with stolen corn in their hands. "Oh, Frodo, what are you doin' here?" asked Pippin'.

BARK BARK BARK. The farmer's blurred voice was sounding as well as his dogs.

"RUN! IT'S THE FARMER AND HIS CHIHUAHUAS!" screamed Merry as they all scampered through the corn to the edge of cliff.

"Wait… a Chihuahua?!" shouted Frodo confused, and he halted. Unfortunately, Sam, Pippin', and Merry didn't know he stopped. Therefore they ran into him, and forced all of them off the cliff and onto the dirt road. Followed by many 'OOFS' 'ACKS' and 'THUDS'. They laid there, some getting to sit up but they were just pushed off a cliff, what do ya expect? Sam suddenly screamed, "MUSHROOMS!" then all but Frodo dug in. Pippin and Merry stuffed them in their mouths leaving none for Frodo as Sam finished them. Frodo looked back and said "Uh… sorry to disappoint… but those aren't mushrooms, they're poison ivy fungus." Then all three spit out the strange food and brushed their tongues with their hands, Frodo all of a sudden heard this weird noise. A high pitched, shrill, and odd sound. But he turned to see only that it was Sam blowing a duck call. "Would you stop that!?" asked Frodo. So Sam stopped. Then, Frodo heard something clattering on the road. "GET OFF THE ROAD!!!" he shouted. So all three scampered and hid under a hallow and fallen tree not to far form the road they were just sitting on. JUST THEN, a limo came down the road and halted. The window rolled down and Brittany Spears was there, "Man! I swore I saw some midgets here. I need directions, ugh. JUST GO DRIVER!" she shouted then she was gone. Pippin' poked his head out, " Phew, that was a close one eh?" he sighed. THEN, clattering arose down the road. "GET DOWN GET DOWN!" cried Sam as Pippin' jolted his head down. Soon a rider all wearing black halted his horse. OooooOOOOOo. He mounted off his horse and sniffed. He turned his head to wear Frodo was hiding. GASP. The black horseman then peered under a conveniently located bed. Then he took out a walky talky and said, "Nope, they're not here. YES! I checked under the bed! Uh huh, ok. Well keep up the search!" he hung up and got to his horse then rode off. "Phew, a closer one I'd say." said Pippin' as they walked through the gates of the nearest town. They walked into an Inn, called 'The Prancing Pony'. SO they sat down in the downstairs bar/check in thing place. A weird old dude was slouching at the front desk as Frodo came up and asked "Is Gandalf here? We're on a secret mission. And we gotta meet him… here. You wanna know what the mission is? Oh wait I can't tell you… I forgot. I can give you a hint! Ok we are going to-"

"Just check in kid, I don't have time for your little secrets."

"ok." said Frodo and signed his name in the check in book."

"Psst. Frodo! FRODO! Don't sign your real name!" whispered Pippin.

"Oh! I got ya!" yelled Frodo. "WAIT. Frodo Bagains isn't my name!" He said taking back the book and scribbling it out. He then wrote Sam Gamgee in the space and gave a thumbs up to Pippin. Then the four sat down at a table.

Merry walked to get some beer and came back with a giant mug.

"What is that?!" asked Pippin whom was staring at the cup.

"This, my friend, is Coke Zero!" answered Merry excited.

"… I'm getting one!" said Pippin' and he ran off.

Later on Sam whispered to Frodo, "Psst. Frodo… I think that guy over there is gay… he's been starin' at you since we got here."

"Excuse me waiter," asked Frodo as the waiter came near, "What is that fellow's name, over in the corner…" asked Frodo pointing.

"Oh, well I don't know, but the tourist keychain he bought has the name 'Strider' on it." answered the waiter and then he walked to another table. Then Frodo heard something through the large crowds of drunken people. Pippin's voice!

"Why yes, Frodo Bagains, he's my second removed grandfather's uncle's niece's mother's cousin's nephew." he said drunken. So Frodo ran over to correct him, he was his **third **removed grandfather's uncle's neice's mother's cousin's nephew. But on the way Frodo slipped on some coke zero and fell backwards. He slammed to the floor noticing his ring pop was flying upwards he reached for it, BUT it landed on his finger and POOF. HE WAS INVISIBLE! Frodo got up, "Whoa, does anyone else feel light headed?" he asked into the crowd of gaping faces gathered around him. DUSH! Frodo was wacked in the head with a chair!

"AHHH! GHOST!" cried that Strider guy as he swung the chair at Frodo repeatedly crying ghost! He chased Frodo up stairs and continued striking him with the chair. Then Frodo removed the ring seeing it seemed to cause his disappearance. "Oh… it's you…" said Strider realizing it was only the hobbit he was spying on. He dropped the chair. "Well, … sorry for , uh. You know … chucking the chair at you and all…"

"Owww," said Frodo catching his breathe from the running.

"Well, I'm sorry Mr. _Gamgee… _do you see my sarcasm? Do you? I've been working on it…"

"Uh, well I suppose I-"

"Oh! I KNEW it! I should've practiced more…. Ah man. Sigh…"

"Well anywa-"

BAM! The door swung open as Merry, Pippin and Sam all charged in screaming 'get the ghost!' with daggers in hand.

"Oh…it's just Frodo…" said Pippin.

Merry dropped his knife, " Frodo! Heeeeey… didja see which way the ghost went?"

"Guys! There is no ghost."

"Oh, well then. I suppose we should leave you two love birds alone now don't ya think?" said Pippin. Strider shouted, "Ugh! We are NOTgay!"

Frodo looked up, "Speak for yourself!"

Pippin' stared at Frodo, "What?!"

There was soon a whole commotion, with various voices yelling at someone else for who knows what then Strider yelled " QUIET! " and the noise stopped.

"Well, I'm afraid we must now leave… I know what hunts you. They are close, yes, ever so close."

So they went next door into the other Inn, Best Western. There they slept. Sam looked at Merry as he pulled something out of his pocket and then got into his bed. "What's that?" shouted Sam obnoxiously.

"Nothing!" answered Merry.

"Lemme see!"

"NO!" cried Merry as Sam got up tip toed to Merry's bed grabbed at the object out of his hands.

"Hahaha! Hey guys! Look Merry sleeps with a teddy bear!"

"NO! It's, uh… it's…""Who is this?" said Pippin snatching it from Sam, "Haha! It's a stuffed bear!"

"O-m-g! I have one just like it!" cried Frodo. Everyone stopped and stared back at Frodo….

"He, he… I mean… uh- good night." he said and flung back into bed and made fake snoring sounds. "Whatever…" said Pippin chucking the bear back at Merry, then Strider Flung out of bed screaming. "What happened?" said Sam. He panted before answering, "Oh… nothing. Just a dream…yes, yes. A dream he he he." he started twitching. "Yes… a dream." Sam slapped him, "DUDE! YOUR LOSING IT!"

"Huh? What… oh. Thanks Sam." he said. Now that they were all awake they couldn't sem to get back to sleep. So they decided to play 'I spy'.

"Ok… I spy with my little eye, something…gold… _and_ round." said Frodo

"The ring?" replied Strider.

"Whoa, Strider! This is the 36th time you've won! Are you physic?" replied Pippin.

"Yeah, I know! Strider is like a professional." answered Merry as Sam nodded in agreement.

"Right again! Omigosh you are good, …ok! You will never get this one…"

"I spy with my little eye a round… _and _gold object."

" The ring?!" shouted Strider.

"YEAH! Whoa… you got I spy skills Strider." said Frodo. "Ok…I spy… a gold, and … uh, circular thing this time."

"Lemme guess …. The ring?"

"YEAH! Whoa! Right again Strider!"

"I spy a gold and-"

"THE RING?"

"Yeah! WHOA! You didn't even get the clue and you got it!""How about someone try and spy something, ok Frodo?!"

"Ok… Merry! You go!"

"Ok…. I spy with my little eye… something black, with swords, and … are angry with pillows! NOW GUESS!" shouted Merry excitedly.

"What?" said Strider as he turned to the direction Merry was watching. Then he saw to his horror that the black riders were currently stabbing pillows in which they would've been laying their heads in had they stayed at 'The Prancing Pony Inn'.

"AH! BLACK RIDERS!!!" screamed Strider.

"Hey you got it! Whoa! Strider! You are like really good at I spy!" said Merry clapping his hands.

"No! You fool! LOOK! They know where we we're going! They're tracking us!"

"Like… stalkers?!" shouted Pippin.

"Yes! LIKE STALKERS!" said Strider.

Merry dove under the bed as Pippin shivered on his bed. Frodo threw his blankets over his head and Sam hid behind Strider whom was now standing and staring out the window which faced the opposite hotel.

"We must leave!" said Strider. So they flew out of the town and into the forest.

They walked passing millions of trees, just waiting for something to change. They walked down and up slopes, around and over hills, and finally at sunset they decided to settle up on a hill. They made a little fire pit and Frodo was so tired he fell asleep as Strider went to scout the area.

So as Strider went out and Frodo was sleeping Sam, Pippin and Merry got bored. They sat there for an hour pulling stupid pranks on Frodo while he slept, like the old whip cream and tickle their nose thing. Then Sam remembered he had his Ipod! So he put the head phones in his ears and pressed play… however he didn't realize it was on high and it blasted sound waves through the area! This woke Frodo up as he starred at Sam… "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

Sam looked back at Frodo, "Well don't blame it all on me! It was Merry's whip cream!"

"NO IT WAS PIPPIN'S!" cried Merry.

"YEAH BUT IT WAS YOUR FEATHER SAM!" yelled Pippin.

"Well it was YOUR idea, Merry!

"NO! I mean your blasting music!? The riders are out looking for us! You gotta keep it quiet!" answered Frodo. But everyone just ignored him and they kept on arguing.


End file.
